Jokes thread!

Jokes thread!

Be seriouse, no jokes on the site ? Well their are now :) all you have to do is try to reply with the answer and make your own joke up or get it from a site, please try not to reply with i dunno then just leave it blank anyway here goes.

I see You !
A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it.

Once he was in the doctor's office, the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when he looked up the man's arse was that eye staring right back at him. "You know, " said the doctor, "you really have to learn to trust me."

A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

Haha thats a real cracker, if that where a true story their would be someone getting a long time in prison for a murder.

Chair Man of the Board

Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive''s wife stopped by his office.

When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."

Once a kid killing flies when her mother came and asked him what r u doing? he replied killing flies offcourse. The mother asked so how many u killed so far? I have killed 3 male and 1 female fly so far. Mother asked with surprise , how do u know which one is male and other female? He replied, 3 flies were on the cane and 1 fly was on the phone.....LOL

Heard this one the other day:

There were three not-so-bright people applying for a highway patrol job. The interviewer called them into the office together and informed them, "In order to do this job well, you must be observant. I will show you and photo and I want you to tell me what you notice, in particular, about the subject."

Opening a folder, he shows the photo to the first candidate, who replies, "I see he has only one eye."

The interviewer scoffs, incredulously, "Can't you see it's a profile photo? Of COURSE there's only one eye showing!" Rolling his eyes, he dismisses the first candidate and turns to the second, showing the photo again.

The second candidate states, "He only has one ear."

The interviewer is getting a bit frustrated. "Weren't you listening? It's a PROFILE! Of course you only see one ear!" Dismissing Candidate #2, he turns to #3.

"How about you?" he asks, again showing the photo.

"He wears contacts," is the reply.

The interviewer is baffled. He checks the file, and sure enough. He congratulates the candidate, thrilled to find someone with powers of observation. "How did you KNOW?" he asked.

"Simple. With only one eye and one ear, he COULDN'T wear glasses!"

There was a boy and his mother...
The boy ran into the bathroom and grabbed his toothbrush...
He ran to the toilet and started scrubbing it with his toothbrush!
His mother walks in...
She says "What do you think you are doing that for?!"
The boy says "Scrubbing the toilet with my toothbrush..."
The mother says "Go chuck your toothbrush in the bin! I don't want to catch you doing this again..."
The boy walks over to the bathroom and grabs his mother's toothbrush...
He walks to the trash and chucks both toothbrushes in the rubbish bin!
His mother walks in and says "WHAT?!?! I told you to chuck your toothbrush in the bin not mine!!!"
The boy says "I used your toothbrush two weeks ago... :rolleyes:

I shortly expect to be him-less.

Derp derp?